She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
