dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She said her name was "party"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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