Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
