im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
