too bad you live with your parents still
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
