video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
