Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
