You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
