i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
