Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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