I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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