So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
