he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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