Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
