started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
