When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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