Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
