Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
