hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
