Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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