He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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