You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
