week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
