i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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