At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
