I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love you. Go after that dick
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
