Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
