Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
