Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
