he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i think im in europe. pls send help
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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