ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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