Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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