Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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