just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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