the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Enjoy the penises
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
