Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we're making bets on your personal life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
