I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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