when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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