you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
