just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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