i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
