They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
