there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
