having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
