You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
