Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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