if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
