I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
