just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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