I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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