It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
