new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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