Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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