I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
