so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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