You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
