Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me