Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now. http://tfl.nu/90oh
  Replies (11) Good night (2960) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test http://tfl.nu/zno9
  Replies (20) Good night (5423) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (7439) Bad night (1071)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I can't believe he would be such an ass

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I can't believe he would be such an ass (1-561): Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything. http://tfl.nu/zk45
  Replies (7) Good night (4907) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed. http://tfl.nu/eckq
  Replies (22) Good night (7326) Bad night (1133)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy http://tfl.nu/rglc
  Replies (22) Good night (4941) Bad night (1714)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I wonder if you can snort coke upside down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I wonder if you can snort coke upside down http://tfl.nu/eyfv
  Replies (20) Good night (1400) Bad night (2996)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me http://tfl.nu/pe15
  Replies (7) Good night (879) Bad night (1933)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck http://tfl.nu/6ifi
  Replies (8) Good night (667) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He does that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back! (508): He does that http://tfl.nu/zi1j
  Replies (4) Good night (2568) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly. http://tfl.nu/0x8b
  Replies (6) Good night (2011) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days http://tfl.nu/zkdk
  Replies (13) Good night (605) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work. http://tfl.nu/gs7f
  Replies (3) Good night (390) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever" http://tfl.nu/t8bi
  Replies (7) Good night (302) Bad night (1331)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that http://tfl.nu/26i3
  Replies (1) Good night (281) Bad night (182)

Randomize