Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success

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(410): He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success http://tfl.nu/9mnw

Replies (2) Good night (770) Bad night (1076)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.

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(952): I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it. http://tfl.nu/soz7

Replies (3) Good night (1240) Bad night (490)
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(213): View more from California

those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later

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(213): those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later http://tfl.nu/envj

Replies (9) Good night (6238) Bad night (650)
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(636): View more from Missouri

Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.

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(636): Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme. http://tfl.nu/cvtw

Replies (8) Good night (3168) Bad night (669)
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(253): View more from Washington

I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.

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(253): I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight. http://tfl.nu/4pnr

Replies (12) Good night (3402) Bad night (977)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt

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(412): Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt http://tfl.nu/ilc7

Replies (27) Good night (2816) Bad night (1590)
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(915): View more from Texas

Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck

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(915): Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck http://tfl.nu/avfi

Replies (4) Good night (2902) Bad night (885)
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(801): View more from Utah

She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.

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(801): She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous. http://tfl.nu/mgxb

Replies (5) Good night (4623) Bad night (1011)
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(315): View more from New York

mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"

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(315): mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!" http://tfl.nu/d3gl

Replies (22) Good night (5193) Bad night (1713)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore

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(678): I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore http://tfl.nu/ro2x

Replies (5) Good night (1452) Bad night (981)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,

(679): View more from Michigan

I wanted to be a dolphin.

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(717): You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it.., (679): I wanted to be a dolphin. http://tfl.nu/th6t

Replies (10) Good night (5238) Bad night (899)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.

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(918): He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his. http://tfl.nu/1fae

Replies (32) Good night (3147) Bad night (837)
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(410): View more from Maryland

True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs

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(410): True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs http://tfl.nu/odrq

Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (965)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.

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(773): I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever. http://tfl.nu/ci2r

Replies (3) Good night (392) Bad night (715)
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(831): View more from California

Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.

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(831): Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really. http://tfl.nu/fn3m

Replies (3) Good night (813) Bad night (319)

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