I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.