When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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