So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword