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why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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