I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?