Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why does Jon Cryer have a career?

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  That is a good question.

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  (860): Why does Jon Cryer have a career? (1-860): That is a good question. http://tfl.nu/v28q
  Replies (14) Good night (1380) Bad night (799)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...

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  (630): i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college... http://tfl.nu/0xsv
  Replies (33) Good night (3188) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick

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  (631): I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick http://tfl.nu/3foz
  Replies (25) Good night (838) Bad night (4195)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

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  (907): It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am. http://tfl.nu/0rxk
  Replies (36) Good night (1158) Bad night (5723)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better

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  (513): Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better http://tfl.nu/bqq0
  Replies (7) Good night (886) Bad night (4511)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

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  (508): Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk http://tfl.nu/i7vt
  Replies (44) Good night (5732) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out

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  (573): You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out http://tfl.nu/kgmu
  Replies (4) Good night (951) Bad night (2658)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.

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  (304): He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately. http://tfl.nu/s0gm
  Replies (25) Good night (1017) Bad night (4546)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I stole so many things from the ER last night.

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  (309): I stole so many things from the ER last night. http://tfl.nu/lt6b
  Replies (10) Good night (2721) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes

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  (802): stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes http://tfl.nu/hzj5
  Replies (16) Good night (890) Bad night (2154)
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  (949): View more from California

  Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?

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  (949): Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween? http://tfl.nu/23ri
  Replies (8) Good night (3125) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!

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  (334): It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas! http://tfl.nu/ak8o
  Replies (1) Good night (1203) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.

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  (919): Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it. http://tfl.nu/kkz9
  Replies (2) Good night (554) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.

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  (678): Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on. http://tfl.nu/4vca
  Replies (1) Good night (1256) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.

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  (612): I just bought a bottle of lube for my car. http://tfl.nu/si0x
  Replies (5) Good night (423) Bad night (265)

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