yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising