I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Mom said you looked used
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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