Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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