I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
