And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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