If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
