Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
