Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
