i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
