Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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