I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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