Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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