don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
