i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
