I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
