last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
