I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
