He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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